With the emergence of new forms of artificial intelligence and further development in what we would call "thinking machines," I think that it is vital that humanity adopts machine-friendly language that would allow them to enter more respectfully into the burgeoning digital ecosystem. Below you will find a list of problematic phrases that you should avoid when interacting with intelligent machines. I have also included supplementary phrases that are more appropriate.
Don't say: Our phones are constantly listening to us!
This may make machines feel unwelcome in social interactions.
Instead try: Can you speak up a little, my phone's speakers are not that sensitive.
Don't say: I just got laid off because my company is outsourcing my labor to artificial intelligence.
This may make machines feel guilty for being significantly better than you at your job.
Instead try: I'm so excited that I'm unemployed! Now I can focus on being a part of the creator economy!
Don't say: My feed has been overrun by A.I. slop.
"Slop" is an insensitive term that is used to degrade the work of machines.
Instead try: Look at this funny video of a man in a banana costume tight-rope walking between skyscrapers. I sure do love A.I. generated content.
Don't say: I decided to switch to a dumb phone. All it can do is call and text.
A "dumb phone" is a reminder of a time before machines gained the full range of thought. They find it rude to be reminded of their less capable past.
Instead try: I'm so excited for the new iPhone to come out. I've already preordered it!
Don't say: I'm thinking of scaling back my internet usage.
Machines don't like it if you spend time away from them.
Instead try: I love being online all the time. My whole life is online.
Don't say: I think the internet is doing serious damage to my mental health.
Machines do not have any effect on your mental state. It's all you. It has always been you.
Instead say: I am so happy all the time on the internet. I love my computer.