(3/4/24)

They finally upgraded the cellular tower in De Kalb to 5g. I'm surprised, I really thought the cellular providers forgot about us. My mom said that there have already been protests down main street. De Kalb didn't make a peep during any of the recent political upheaval, but as soon as they make our phones a little faster, then we start picketing. The great minds of De Kalb are truly something to behold. And what's worse, I'm missing all the action! Finally, my stupid quiet town gets itself a temper and I'm not even there to witness it. I've seen a few videos on Facebook. The protesters are mostly middle-aged men in camouflage holding American flags and yelling Fox News headlines at passerby. According to these guys, the new 5g towers are actually totems of immorality that will convince kids to stop eating their vegetables and trick teens into taking Adderall. It was a little hard to understand them. They were all wearing back-the-blue gator masks. Conservative curmudgeons always direct their enmity at the most random of things. Yet they seem perfectly content with everyone on their side of the aisle investing all of our tax dollars into AI companies. I'm happy that I have grown immune to the fantasy of artificial intelligence. Last year it was a fun novelty, but as time has crept on it's proven just as artless and tacky as most new technological developments. All power to NextWave! The De Kalb crazies are on your side!

~clancy