(6/17/25)

People I know keep having kids and it’s freaking me out! Yesterday a friend of mine from high school texted me that he’s going to be a father in September. He followed this up with a gif of Lebron James dunking a basketball. I opted to congratulate him and wish him luck as a father. He’s going to be a father. He’s a year younger than me. I feel so disconnected from my age demographic. I turned 21 a few weeks ago and I still haven’t had my “first drink.” I know that’s something people do. Caleb had his "first drink" when he turned 21 in February. He drank a Miller Light while sitting on his front porch while the sun went down and afterward he said it tasted like piss. Julian can't drink alcohol because he as GERD. Neither can Tyler, but that’s because his family is Mormon. He swears that he isn’t anymore, but he still doesn’t drink coffee or alcohol just to be safe. I do not have a reason, medically or spiritually. I guess it never interested me. People drank around me in high school but I never decided to partake. I usually just watched as they grew dumber and dumber as the night went on. One time the soon-to-be-father vomited all over my back seat as I was driving him home. I couldn’t get the smell of ethanol out of my car for weeks. I thought of myself back then as the sensible one. But now I am in college and it just feels weird. I could buy alcohol now if I wanted to. No one could stop me. Yet the thought of perusing the liquor aisle or ordering a bottle at a restaurant still makes me nervous, like someone is going to rush over and point out that my very real government issued ID is a fake and that I’m a phony who cannot possibly drink alcohol like an adult. I wonder if 22 is the year that I’ll start feeling like 21.

~clancy